The Friendship Fix

You love your BFF. In fact, life wouldn’t be the same without her by your side. But here’s the sitch: she’s seriously hurt your feelings and you’re struggling to move past it.

From here you have three choices. 1) Ignore it and live resentfully ever after, 2) replace your friend with a cat, or 3) tell your friend she hurt you and build a stronger, healthier friendship.

Why You Shouldn’t Ignore It

You’ve probably heard that the best way to deal with someone hurting your feelings is to pay no attention to it (sticks and stones will… well, you know how it goes). But there are two things that are wrong with this.

Firstly, the longer you ignore it, the worse it will get. Think of your emotions as a bottle of soda. Every time your feelings get hurt the soda bottle gets shaken. Know what happens to a soda bottle when you shake it too much?  Yep, it explodes. Hello meltdown!

Secondly, how is your friend going to stop hurting you if she doesn’t realise she’s doing it? Friendship is worth fighting for, which means it’s time to be brave and have a heart-to-heart.


4 Things To Do

  1. Organise a time and place to meet up and stick to your commitment.

  2. Write down what you want to say. You can even bring your notes with you and read from them. It will help you focus and stay on topic, and you’ll enter the conversation feeling prepared.

  3. Keep calm. If you feel like you’re going to raise your voice, take a deep breath, and then continue.

  4. Remember that nobody is perfect. We all occasionally hurt each other. So if your friend is open to apologising, you can be open to forgiving and forgetting.

If you have a good friendship it is worth it to speak up when you've been hurt.

4 Things To Avoid

  1. Don’t gossip about it to your other friends.

  2. Don’t retaliate.

  3. Don’t avoid them or give them the cold shoulder.

  4. Don’t have the conversation via text or Facebook. Things are too easily misinterpreted this way.

4 Sentences to Try

  1. “You’re my best friend, but this really hurt my feelings. Can you please try not to do it again?”

  2. “Because you’re my friend I want to be honest with you. I am really hurt by this.”

  3. “I know you would never hurt me on purpose which is why I want you to know how I feel.”

  4. “Our friendship means a lot to me so I really want to talk to you about [insert what happened].”

Now go forth and enjoy your new, mature, can-get-through-anything friendship. There’s a reason they call it a BFF!

by Jane Hollier Brown - a Gen Y journalist and a book nerd who sometimes gets a little too attached to fictional characters (it was real to me!). You can follow her on Instagram here.

It's hard to be honest but it's worth it young women, bella magazine.